An escape from the dentist

My breath became laboured, my heartbeat increased, as I sat there under the bright light. Though my eyes were open I saw nothing in particular. My mouth was open, as if locked in a silent scream. My hands grabbed the blue arm-rests, my fingers taut, as droplets of sweat formed on my forehead.

“We have to get out of here”, my thoughts directed towards my numb tooth as I felt like scooting off from the claustrophobic chair.

Alas! I was but, a mere pawn under the mask-covered thug who peered into my oral cavity.

——

I wouldn’t like to admit it, but I had myself brought on these nightmares, thanks to my very sweet tooth, which now was the subject of attention of the dental archeologist.

Though I like to take life’s challenges on the chin and meet them with a smile on my face, here I was with a numb mouth, a jab of a needle inside the cavity paralysing the smile causing muscles.

As I lay there motionless, my head sometimes twitching with agony, the mad dentist drilling and filing away at the root, I wondered at the variety of life conjured up by the Ultimate Maker.

Here was I, the epitome of manliness (or so I liked to believe), egoistic about my power and resilience but then here was a colony of tiny bacteria, which had decided to make a home inside one of my tooth, making my cry out in pain and fright in the middle of the night, just by touching some raw nerve.

Yes, it had all started one night, after a particularly wholesome meal followed by dessert, when I tossed and turned on the bed, to the exaggerated discomfort of the better half, with one palm on my cheek, trying to ease the pain.

The mad dentist, on my first visit to his den, explained to me that the foundation of a bacterial colony, was laid long back in my mouth, whenever I shied away from “swachch mukh Abhiyan”, known in common parlance as nighttime brushing.

Then with an evil grin he had said, “Let’s take a selfie!”. That was the time when I first doubted his mental condition.

He had then proceeded to push in a vile tasting plastic film into my mouth, in front of the culprit black sheep of my 32 pearls.

The selfie stick was manoeuvred near my cheek and a click indicated that the pic was taken. The film was developed and I saw the extent of the colony, slowly but surely advancing, with one bacterial foot inside the nerve doorway.

Then to enlighten me further, the dentist proceeded to frighten me with a set of a mobile chewing mechanism, with obnoxiously pink gums and pearly white teeth, to show me the extent of damage caused by the tiniest species.

——

To cut a long story short, I had a narrow escape along with the said tooth, though with a protective cap on its sheared off head.

A Chocolatey day

In my childhood, I just loved a yummy song in my mother tongue,

“I wish to in a beautiful  chocolate bungalow,

Golden and silvery, shining so brightly…”

Oh, how I wished to live in such a delicious bungalow. It's another matter that I didn't get to live in a normal bungalow, leave aside a chocolate one.

As I grew older, I realised that such chocolatey worlds are only in a child's dream.

However recently, in the German town of Werl, this children's dream almost came true. Well almost…

It so happened that the Chocolate manufacturing unit in the town had an unfortunate accident. That is, unfortunate for the Chocolate factory but good fortune for the residents.

A storage tank of liquid chocolate sprang a leak and the goovy liquid flowed out on the street outside. Soon there was a river of chocolate which solidified into a thick layer, in the cold air.

But of course, the authorities being the same everywhere, especially when it involves something joyful, got down to the job. Before the townsfolk could get any inkling of the goodies flowing down the street, the authorities started cleaning.

Not only did they shovel away the hardened sweet stuff, they used hot water and blow torches to further liquify the remaining chocolate and swept it down the drains. So merciless and unromantic. And who were the perpetrators of this ghastly act; it was the normally helpful firefighters.

Finally nothing remained for the humans, the cats, dogs and mice of the world; at least nothing remained for free consumption though it was available for a price, at the shop counters.

But I wondered what would happen in some other countries, especially the hotter countries.

The citizens would think nothing of dipping their fingers in the goovy stuff, with a mobile in their other hand for an impromptu selfie.

Some enterprising individual would come up with a 'Chocolatey Slide’ where the customers can slide on the squishy liquid, of course, for a price. Last seen, some customers were sliding on their tongues, the cheaters.

Another one could come up with the concept of 'chocolate puri’ and make his millions.

While the authorities would let the happy stuff remain on the street for days to come, just like they let all the rubble remain after the umpteenth road digging project.

Yatindra Tawde

The Guards change

Housing Societies are happening places. So much happens in the background.

Recently our Society went through a change in the Security Agency. And though the reason given was appointment of a more professional service, the real reason was cost savings.

Like any professional organisation worth its name, the Managing Committee of the Society decided that there should be proper handing over-taking over from the old guard to the new.

So for a period of one month, the Society was inundated with two different uniforms, Dark Blue and Light Green. I am sure there might be some other words for the colours but for the benefit of partially colour blind (including yours truly), let’s stick to the mentioned colours.

At the end of the one month period, the Managing Committee decided that due process of handing over-taking over has been followed and the old Security Agency was discontinued.

And that’s when the fun started…or rather, the complaints to the Secretary started.

“Yesterday a few guests visited us and the watchman never called us to inform. So irresponsible. It is all due to you. Why did you replace a good security agency?”, one member…

This is the same member who used to scold the old security agency for making his guests wait. Only after the call had been placed and answered the watchman used to send them up.

This one member made the life of the secretary a pain with his constant complaints.

Finally the Secretary asked the new watchman to call this member irrespective of whoever wanted to visit him.

Next day morning, 5.00 o’clock.

The intercom rings incessantly. First, the man of the house pushes away his alarm clock.

When that doesn’t help, he bangs it. No effect. The ringing continues…

Finally he wakes up, stumbles like a zombie towards the intercom and picks up the mouthpiece.

At the other end, “Hellooo…the milkman has come. Should I send him up Sir”

The irritated man of the house gives his piece of mind to the zapped watchman in the choicest vocabulary.

The confused watchman disconnects the phone and calmly asks the milkman to return back telling him, “Sab bahoot garam hai. Shayad unko doodh nahi chahiye. Tu chala ja.” (Sir is very angry today. I think he doesn’t require the milk. You can go back.”

The Sir’s family has to go out that day to buy their daily quota of milk.

The member now complains to the secretary about the new watchman calling him repeatedly to announce the arrival of all and sundry.

Isn’t it surprising folks?

Yatindra Tawde

Kacha papad pakka papad

The wife was well and truly disturbed since few days. She loves her kitchen kingdom but there was something which was making her agitated.

“Yatin, come to the kitchen” and I had to move myself away from the TV and run inside.

“Do you smell it?”

“What? The food?”, I asked in earnestness. “Umm…it smells beautiful!”

“Nooo…”

Thinking that it must be a new incense stick she has discovered, I exclaim, “These new incense sticks smell so beautiful”

“Yatin! I am not even burning the incense sticks. How can you smell them?”

Then she adds, “It’s a pungent smell. As if some lizard is rotting”

Once she says it, I smell it. “Yes, I can smell it. Ugh…”

“Oh, now you smell it? Now help me to search the source of the smell.”

I saw my couch potato time going for a toss.

But when the high command commands, you leave everything aside and do as she pleases.

The next 1 hour is spent in cleaning of all lower shelves in the kitchen bending over and doing the deed…but there is no dead lizard to be found.

So the next target is what else, but the higher shelves.

She opens one of the shelves and ughh…the smell consumes the kitchen space. We look for the departed lizard…but what’s this?

A small plastic bag is picked up by the wife and pushed in front of my nose…and I almost suffocate. So this is the source; but what does it contain?

“You bought these papads (a thin dried cake of dough, which can be of rice or other grains) a week back didn’t you? How did you not notice the smell when you bought it? You always want these papads but don’t know how to shop for them?”

I protest feebly that it was not smelling at the time of buying but to no avail.

“Now throw it in the dustbin. No wait. My dustbin will smell. Pack it in another plastic bag, go downstairs and throw it in the big dustbin outside”

Thus ended my desire for a few humble papads as I am now at the mercy of my wife to buy them whenever she wishes to indulge the taste buds of her Papad Man.

But I must say, I admire my wife’s swachchata Abhiyan inside the house where even our dustbin doesn’t smell.

Yatindra Tawde

Tumbbad

Don’t watch this movie before sleeping!

Well, I couldn’t sleep. The horrific visuals stay with you for a long time after the movie is over.

The screenplay and the script are the real heroes in this very well made movie and the VFX takes it to another level altogether. It’s original and it’s scary.

A myth, an authentic sounding manufactured one, is the basis for the entire movie.

The continuous rains, whenever the story shifts to Tumbbad, give a haunting setting to the happenings. In fact, the rains are one important character in this movie experience.

Other than the rains, the sets, whether the stone Wada of Sarkar, the broken down stone dwelling of Vinayak and his family of a brother and widowed mother along with their ancient grandmother or the vintage wadas of Pune, are characters in the movie, by themselves.

Grandmother! The way she has been portrayed in this movie is something unexpected and scary. Watch the first scene where you see her face…if you can call it that. Zombies will appear childish.

The descent into the well inside the Wada, and the further descent into the goddess’s womb, makes your heart palpitate with fear, and especially the first descent and escape from the womb, with Hastar hot in pursuit, is mind numbing.

A really well made movie which will surely give you the chills.

That it has been made by a debutant Director, Rahi Anil Barve, is truly praiseworthy. You will really admire his resilience in sticking to his vision. Hats off and kudos to his spirit.

And what can one say about Sohum Shah. He is a true risk taking entrepreneur who happens to be in the film business. I think, the two films, Ship of Theseus and Tumbbad, will define this pioneer, that is, till he comes out with another gem of a movie.

Don’t miss this truly horror movie, the best to come out of India.

Yatindra Tawde

The Gift Romantic

Oh, she is so beautiful, he thought. He was mesmerised by her curves.

And loved her moves, especially the way she glided over the waves and shot into the air through the waters, flipping and twisting in grace, as she fell back into the waters.

He thought of wooing her and what better way than gifting her something; something which she would appreciate.

And what better gift than that most beautiful creation of The Almighty, the colourful , intricately designed…Sponge!!

No, I am not talking about that contraption with which dutiful husbands clean the household utensils.

I am talking about the natural sponges which attach themselves to the ocean floor.

Now which Male in his right senses would think of gifting a sponge to the female of his dreams. After all there are stones available, also called diamonds.

But we are not talking of the lowly species which prides itself to be the most intelligent on Land.

We are talking about the Male Dolphins which woo the females by breaking off big chunks of the marine sponges, balancing them on their nose or beak, and offering it, in an apparent romantic effort to mate.

Why sponges? Maybe it has something to do with them being colourful and are fluffy to touch, making the females go weak in their…fins.

Humans too, have found numerous uses for the marine sponge.

It is used as a bathroom accessory, in personal hygiene due to its inherently fluffy nature and soft touch, in the ceramic industry, in home decorating and painting, in high end footwear manufacturers and in painting and fine arts.

Of course, Man being Man, tried to replicate God’s creation and ended up making a tool for cleaning of household utensils.

And women’s liberation pushed the men to use this implement to atone for their past sins, by taking up this critical activity in the kitchen.

Yatindra Tawde

To the Mall we go

Nobody noticed the escape. The three who escaped were ecstatic. They thought of enjoying their sudden freedom. But how?

This was a city which was quite unlike what they had been used to. In their young age they roamed the huge savannah with a sprinkling of trees.

And then there was the enclosure. An enclosure where they were watched. Watched by the crazy colourful animals, which grinned or grimaced, just like the apes in the savannah.

But while those apes kept to themselves while eating their fruits, these colourful animals just wanted to stare at other animals, while eating from some shiny fruit-like thing, whose covering was just thrown away once they had their fill. The enclosure was full of these shiny peels.

The three were tired of this life inside the enclosure but they were never able to find a way out…until now.


It being nighttime, no one noticed their absence. But once they had come out they could only see huge structures everywhere which had small holes in them. Some of these holes were lighted and they saw those crazy colourful animals inside, mostly with something in their hands or staring at a big lighted box.

The three were hungry now but they couldn’t find any trees nearby as most of the area was occupied by the big structures, so they kept walking.

After a long walk, suddenly they espied bright lights in the distance. And more importantly, they saw trees.

The hungry three galloped towards the lights, the trees, and stretched out with all the elasticity in their necks towards the leaves and…crunch.

But alas! The crunch was not the leaves being eaten, but the teeth being broken!

The poor Giraffes; yes the Giraffes, lost their teeth on the artificial leaves on the artificial trees which adorned the gateway of the brightly lighted Mall.

The Mall erupted in cacophony as it was filled with the same colourful ape-like animals, who rushed towards the entrance to gape at these unusual visitors.

However some unsporting person called in the Forest department.

Soon the employees of the Forest department arrived with their paraphernalia at the Mall, aimed their dart guns at the poor, elongated souls and put them to sleep while the colourful animals had a free show without a visit to the neighbourhood Zoo.

Yatindra Tawde